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How Do You Want to Respond to Your Same-Sex Attractions?

Group13flopSummary: This section will help you think through the reasons behind your decisions about how to respond to your same-sex attractions.

Personal Values and Religious Beliefs

If your personal values and religious beliefs include any of the statements below, you may be struggling to decide what to do in light of your same-sex attractions.

  • We are created in the image of God—male and female. We are spirit sons and daughters of heavenly parents and we have a divine nature and destiny.
  • Gender is an essential characteristic of our eternal identity and purpose.
  • Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and the family is central to God’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
  • God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be used only between a man and a woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

If any of the statements above describe your religious beliefs, you may not want to act on your feelings in inappropriate sexual ways. However, you can’t ignore or suppress your same-sex feelings because they are real and powerful. Therefore, you may feel you only have two choices: (1) try to suppress the feelings and live according to your values and beliefs or (2) pursue the attractions and try to change your values and beliefs.

For many people, neither of these two options are viable. As much as they try to set their religious beliefs aside or explain them away, they feel drawn to their beliefs and faith. But suppressing the feelings don’t make them go away either. Suppression means a continual struggle where, at best, you are celibate but miserable, and at worst, you lead a double life by outwardly being a religious person but secretly engaging in homosexual behavior.

There is a third option to manage your same-sex attractions. As you address the underlying issues that may be intensifying your same-sex attractions, you may find that your same-sex attractions diminish in frequency and intensity and they become manageable. The goal is to resolve any issues that dominate your life or behavior or keep you from achieving your life’s goals. Read through the topics below and identify how you want to address them.

Same-Sex Attractions May Be Symptomatic of Other Problems

One of the reasons same-sex attractions may be difficult to control is that there may be underlying issues fueling the desires. Focusing too much on the attractions themselves may not be helpful, since the attractions may be intensified by deeper issues, like gender identity, abuse, self-perception, or a lack of fulfilling relationships. Find the issues that are relevant to you and you may discover that your same-sex attractions diminish and become less problematic as you resolve the underlying issues.

Why Is Same-Sex Attraction a Problem?

Sexual attractions toward the same sex distort potentially fulfilling relationships between a man and a woman and can steer you away from the blessings that can be found in traditional marriage and family relationships. Such attractions may divert men from the roles of husband and father and women from the roles of wife and mother.

Homosexual behavior is of particular concern to those who believe it violates God’s commandments. God created His children as male and female (see Genesis 1:27) and designed that men and women join together under the covenant of marriage to procreate and fulfill their eternal destiny. In His eternal plan, there are no classifications of homosexualsbisexuals, or heterosexuals. We are all on this earth having human experiences with various challenges to overcome so we can become the true men, women, husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers that God wishes us to be.

Distinction Between Feelings and Behavior

There is a distinction between having sexual thoughts or feelings and participating in inappropriate sexual behavior. The feelings that trigger your same-sex attractions emerged through no fault of your own. Since you made no conscious choice for them, you should not feel guilty or ashamed for having them. However, you can choose how to respond to the attractions and decide whether to participate in inappropriate sexual activity.

Homosexual Behavior

The scriptures are clear in condemning homosexual practices. “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet” (Romans 1:26–27; KJV).

The Bible teaches that sexual relations are appropriate only within a marriage between a man and a woman. Any other sexual relations, including fornication, adultery, and homosexual behavior is sinful. You have the ability to choose to avoid inappropriate sexual activity. Read more about controlling sexual behavior.


For many people, as they begin to understand and resolve the underlying issues fueling their same-sex attractions, they find that such attractions diminish in power and frequency. Some men discover that heterosexual feelings awaken or increase within them. Others may continue to be attracted as strongly as before, but they learn to cope with the attractions without being overwhelmed by them. Read What Can You Do About Same-Sex Attraction?


Some people discover that their attractions to the same sex are intensified because of an unhealthy view of themselves and others. Work on developing a healthy self image. With increased levels of self-acceptance, your feelings of self-worth and masculinity will increase. As you become more pro-active rather than reactive, you will be able to develop increasingly healthy relationships with men.

Life Choices

When all is said and done, you have to make the choice that is right for you. Read more in the section What Can You Do About Same-Sex Attraction?