How long does it take?
Don’t set time frames for yourself and expect that changes will happen within a certain period of time. Your problems didn’t develop overnight and they likely won’t be resolved in a short time.
The length of the transition varies depending on many factors, such as the following:
Those who are able to define their problems and begin working on them early, before compulsive behaviors turn into addictions and before attitudes turn into identity, may be able to make the transition in a matter of months. Those who begin the process later in life after years of sexual habits and mental conditioning find it takes much work and substantially more time. Most men we have spoken with report it takes somewhere from three to ten years. However, don’t set time frames for yourself and expect that changes will happen within a certain period of time. Your problems didn’t develop overnight and they likely won’t be resolved in a short time. |
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Gradual progress
In today’s society, we often expect instant results. Satellites, computers, and microwave ovens allow us to accomplish things in a matter of seconds. When things don’t happen instantly, or when solutions are not forthcoming at computer-like speed, we tend to panic. We forget that some of the more important things in life take more time—usually in terms of months and years.
Don’t set time limits on change. Some people begin to see progress in the first few weeks, while others don’t see substantial progress for months. While God does work miracles, few people are freed from same-sex attraction feelings in a blinding moment. Rather than a quick 180–degree reversal of their sexual attractions, most men experience gradual changes in their spiritual, physical, sexual, and emotional understanding of themselves. After some work, you will notice that your sexual attractions toward other men begin to diminish and have less control over you than they once had. They will be less frequent and intense and you will feel less compelled to seek same-sex attraction connections. This kind of gradual progress requires patience and endurance and is the true test of your commitment to the process. The key is in recognizing you are improving and in keeping the momentum going. A friend of mine said, "I am content to change little by little and learn what Christ would have me learn from all this same-sex attraction stuff. I am content to struggle with everyone else on the planet to be happy regardless of life’s circumstances. I am thankful for the ride."
Some people maintain that since the person often struggles for many years—and sometimes for his entire life—this is proof that change is not possible. However, many worthwhile things in life take years to develop. These are growth experiences that test and try us, and make us stronger and wiser for it. Don’t become frustrated if your progress is slower than you originally expected. Remember that this is a complex process that will not be resolved overnight. If you are committed and are doing all you can, be patient. Answers will come and change will happen over time.
Growth
Same-sex attraction seems to be an overwhelming problem to many people because they include in it a whole life of problems. But remember that everyone deals with issues of self-worth, relationships, intimacy, lust, comparing themselves with others, and a whole host of problems that are part of a lifelong process of growing, overcoming, and improving.
Our friend Brad has worked hard to resolve many difficult issues in his life. He has significantly increased his feelings of masculinity and sees himself in a new light. Heterosexual feelings have awakened in him, he is beginning to date, and is looking forward to marriage. However, he also has an advanced case of AIDS that he contracted during his earlier promiscuous days. We admire that he hasn’t let the progression of AIDS diminish his desire to work out his problems. It would be easy for him to stop working toward marriage, knowing that he most likely doesn’t have time to get married in this life. But he has an eternal view of his growth and development and realizes that whatever progress he makes in this life will be to his benefit in the next. (Read Brad’s story.) The goal is certainly attainable and is worth whatever work it takes.
For more information
 | In Quiet
Desperation: Understanding the Challenge of Same-Gender Attraction by
by Fred and Marilyn Matis and
Ty Mansfield. Ty Mansfield discusses his own challenge and how he
continues to go forward with faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. "The Lord
promised that he will change our hearts, but he didn't say when," writes
Mansfield. "He never promised it would happen in mortality. He only said it
would happen." |