Gay Identity
The terms gay (referring to men) and lesbian (referring to women) include not only personal feelings and behaviors, but also describe a political, cultural, and social identity.
In addition to the personal battle raging within you, there are external challenges that may add to the difficulty of resolving your same-sex attraction problems. This section explains that if a person has developed a gay identity and assimilated into a close-knit gay community, he may find it difficult to leave it behind.
Development of a gay identity
The personal conflict over same-sex attraction feelings creates a difficult internal struggle. After years of trying to find answers and little success at trying to change their feelings, some people become convinced that their same-sex attraction feelings are inborn and unchangeable and they accept a gay identity which finally ends the internal struggle that has caused them so much frustration and pain. Accepting a gay identity has far-reaching implications because being "gay" includes not only personal feelings, but also describes a social and political identity. As they associate with other gay people, they find a great deal of acceptance and feel—perhaps for the first time in their life—that they fit in. Since they often feel that the world has let them down or they feel rejected by the world, they turn to each other for support. There they feel safe, comfortable, and at home.
Gay communities and culture
Larger cities have distinct areas where gay people tend to live or congregate for entertainment. Gay-identified people often move to major cities where they can find a larger gay community. They tend to trust and give preference to each other in personal and business dealings and find comfort in the gay community because they feel the acceptance they never found among their family, church, friends, or classmates.
If you have lived as part of a gay community, and now determine that you want
to leave it, you may have additional lifestyle challenges to overcome, in
addition to the same-sex attraction problems themselves. If your emotional
support system is tied to a gay community and gay friends, you may need to move
and find new friends who will support you in resolving your same-sex attraction
issues.
Read more about the Gay Rights Movement and Gay Activism